Day 2...........
I'm really struggling today. I think its hormones. Finally getting back to normal after delivering Elizabeth 10 months ago! I'm bloated too, so that makes sense. Just have to remember to keep it in perspective. When I'm crying at 4:30 in the morning and feeling like no one loves me and my marriage is falling apart and my step son is crappy....just have to remember that its all in my head and its the hormones talking. Ridiculous....stupid hormones. I keep feeling like I think about my husband, step son, daughter, clients, our house, animals at all times every day and am always making sure they have what they need. But who is thinking about me and making sure I have what I need? Well, that would be no one. Welcome to motherhood I guess. I wish my husband understood this. This is his job.

I also keep having very selfish feelings about KJ. It feels like I'm giving up what I have wanted. Brad and I had a goal of being out of our house by the time Elizabeth goes to kindergarten (five years). And I want another baby. Now that KJ is here, Brad feels so strongly that we need a new house. And because we can't get a new house right now due to finances he's saying no way can we have another baby. I'm going to be 34. Not like I can wait forever to have another baby. So another year until we get a new house at least. Then TTC, go through pregnancy. I will be 36 at the earliest and Brad will be 44. I DON'T WANT TO WAIT. What's wrong with being a little cramped for a few months?

Why are we changing the plan for a kid who will be around for another year and then most likely off to college?

So what if I'm being selfish? I'm being honest. And I'm human. Humans are selfish. I feel like I'm giving up a 2nd child for a child who isn't even mine.

What ev.